We are craftsmen

Tags

art, craft, freedom, liberation, museum, ordinary life, salvation, soul, talent

What is your art? It amuses me to hear people say they don’t have any talent or that they’re not good in anything.

“Care of the Soul requires craft.

To live with a high degree of artfulness
means to attend to the small things
that keep the soul engaged in whatever we are doing
And it is the very heart of soul-making.”

Art, as language of the soul, nurtures the soul.
Thus it should be in our every day. 

“The fine arts are elevated and set apart from life,
becoming too precious and therefore irrelevant.
Having banished art to the museum,
we fail to give it a place in ordinary life.”

My art is in people. I like seeing them grow and I’m a believer of change and progress. Seeing through and being seen, that’s when I am most connected to the world, in my very sense of destiny. People when they bloom, for me is the most beautiful that art has ever known.

Art that is not contained in movement, in rhythm, in color, texture and shape, in emotions and still moments — what is your art?

This is what Hey Artist is all about. Focus on your craft, enrich your talent, nurture your soul, and work out your own salvation.

There’s a place for healing

Tags

cebu, countryside, healing, liloan, new life, province, rehab, rehabilitation, starting over

Prinzel said as I left, “There’s no perfect place.” But sure there is a place where you can be with the people who lift you up in mornings you are knocked down. There is a place where you must teach yourself to hold the tears because sometimes they just want to fall in the middle of breakfast. There is a place where there are rabbit holes to hide yourself in when tears are too heavy to hold.

My first two weeks of rehab

This is the place. Where I commute and don’t cover my nose. Where the people are not always in a rush and don’t shout out “hurry up!” Where the sky is a palette. Where I can bike downtown to the market with papa, or to my relatives with mama. Where I can murmur the words “Why, help me, I can’t go on any farther, I messed up, help me… God,” and the answers are in the waters, the sky it reflects and the wind, and all that separates this moment from the dreadful past I have run away from, and the future I have not the slightest idea of.

And what have made this transition kinder are the little things that I have found – the dance machine in the mall where I and Prinzel would meet after work, a waxing salon, a nearby day spa, and a party beach!

Here I am rebuilding my life, and hoping to remember these moments and the lessons that the Universe has been repeating, which I am slow to learn. I guess in this long life, there are just lessons that cannot be mastered in one take, so we need to repeat them. I know that no matter how I rebuild myself and emerge feeling that I’ve mastered the art of life once again, I know, for sure, one day I will break down again. But I will look back to these dreadful months and know with confidence that I will get by.

To those broken, go find a place to heal. 

If death precedes a new life

Tags

death, friends, friendships, life, love, new life, starting over, universe

If I would die between 10 and 11:20 tonight on my way to starting a new life, I would die a happy woman.

- I have nearly closed the loops of my friendships, and each will have an ever stronger support system because life is hard.

- Kash has learned to become more compassionate and that prayers always come with action.

- Aziel now wears shorts, w/o care what people will say about her legs.

- Prinzel will remember how she ferried a friend to survival and renewal.

- Despite losing her little boy, Lanie remains strong, loving and purehearted. Everyone must learn from her “growing up with grace.”

- Abegail will realize that life is short and start pursuing freedom.

- Khai will teach herself that being alone is totally fine and enjoyable sometimes.

- Helen will not read diaries anymore hahaha

- Katy will still be like Pooh.

- Rhea will be ever more comfortable with her mal-adjustments because she’s one of the wisest I know. She’ll love herself more and assert what she deserves.

- Anj will know that I treasure every moment she stood up for me.

- My family knows I die on my way back to them

- And Dennis will go on find the best woman for him, one who has true “soldier-wife skills.” He’ll also know that he would be the last man I loved.

Truly, the universe never runs out of support systems.

“I’m busy” is okay until…

Tags

break up, busy, connection, growimg apart, relationship

When she was 18, Zee ended her 4-year relationship because M couldn’t make time for her – he was busy working and couldn’t decline drinking sessions with his friends. For four months, he kept saying he’ll make it up to her. Until Zee got tired.

Kay has given pseudo-boyfriend Jay time to think things thru. He didn’t want to be unfair, making Kay wait and understand that he’s a busy man. He thought being busy was enough reason to end everything and come clean and fair.

AJ used to not have time for Bee for playing video games. It was okay with her, they were little after all and he deserved time to enjoy with his friends. Then AJ got a job, Bee was waiting for hers. AJ didn’t have time then Bee committed a terrible mistake. She was forgiven as it was not that terrible. Then they both became busy. AJ didn’t have time for Bee, yet he had time for Ox, a new girl — a terrible mistake that broke them forever.

“I’m busy” is okay until it becomes the very reason and a convenient excuse for disconnection and growing apart.

All we want is quality conversation, which doesn’t even have to be intelligent all the time.
We don’t even need 180 minutes. We just need 10 minutes of full attention, 10 full minutes for reconnection.

Gossip kills

Tags

blind spot, compassion, disability, gossip, life, paralysis, relationship, suffering

Gossip kills souls and spirits
Creativity and all possibilities
For trust and unity

It stops reform and revolution
Right where they start

Gossip doesn’t like excellence
It kills empathy and compassion

We all have something to bear, you know
We all have some kind of paralysis

“Even those who limp move forward.” — quoting someone

One day I was walking behind this man, and then I understood what Prinzel’s favorite quote meant:

“Without suffering, there is no compassion.”

 

To gossip is to deny our very suffering and blindness of the world.

To gossip is to deny our paralysis, blind spots, and to pretend we’re perfect.

Human passages

Tags

conditions, experiences, growing up, human, life

Two of my longest friends are now dealing with probably the most difficult of human passages; while here I am staring at the stars, dealing with emptiness.

Spot the odd

Tags

city, commuting, EDSA, homeless, nomad, street people, urban

my typical EDSA morning

EDSA street people, ingenious

 

Tears are never baseless

Tags

2013, distance, earth dance, earth dance manila, growing apart, ldr, long distance relationship, relationship, stages of love

We hallowed the Earth that day when you came sending my heart to a race. You came as a surprise, that being a surprise, I demanded. Still I was surprised, and was happy that there were surprises.

sanctifying the earth; bless us with a day

I met you for dinner, straight from the Earth Dance, and found you by the foot of the staircase, holding the four bags that contain all that belong to you. Like we had always imagined, I would go running, jumping onto you when we would finally meet. I did, but a little more cautiously. That feeling of seeing you again for the first time, like it still does sometimes, brought my knees to slow-motion. My friend said it was a good thing, to see the person you love as if seeing him for the first time. Foreign.

But in all foreign-ness, this thing of growing more foreign each day, hit us. It hit us quite too young, too early – it hits most old married couple right? Well most things about us came too early — like the courtship, sleeping together, thoughts of kids and forever, investments, minimizing nights out and alcohol intake to save, call conferences with the family; then feeling trapped and bored, rather too early still; and then the frustrations about the distance, we used to countdown the days, remember?; then too much alcohol, too many tears, too little time.. to console. Consolation, maybe that’s all that I wanted this whole time, and your recognition that all the tears are not completely baseless after all. Because to think that they’re baseless is a poison, a dead-end to understanding, and keeps us farther from meeting halfway.

The narrative of all the days and long weeks that led to this prison cell of mine (what does Rhea call it? Borderline personality disorder) was not meant to hold you to blame. I meant no “Sorry, I love you” will do the trick. I don’t need the old days back, I just need some strength to start again, and that’s where I can use some of your help. Because I don’t want to do it by myself, or through the help of friends, because when I free myself, without you, I will have to free myself not only from the prison cell, but also from you. And I don’t want to be free from you. 

the road ahead is freakin long and I’m freakin scared; let’s wear helmets and I’ll hold on tight; like Matt said, not all things are do or die

Meet me at the war zone

Tags

Dennis Ong

The President went to Maguindanao and thousands of armed men were deployed to secure him. The area is a sanctuary of armed men – good, bad, rebels, politicos, clans, ordinary men…

So I received a phone call from Den, right after the President left, right after the signal jammer was off. He was there, about one hour away, and would leave in about one and a half.

And so I didn’t take my lunch, took a bus, a jeep, a tricycle ride to where he was. Commuting around Maguindanao and Cotabato was exhilarating.

Then there we were, it was like magic. It was so dreamy to be in some foreign place with the person you so long to see.

Dennis Ong

The more or less 20 minutes that I spent there was awkward – he would introduce me to his seniors; we would talk on the bleachers while his troop was working; so he promptly kicked me out. No protest on my side.

After an hour, I received “good news.”

Great! It was then even more dreamy – commuting together around Cotabato, looking for a place to stay, and dreading once more the coming of the sun. Dawns have left a permanent rip upon my soul.

I love Den for all the patience and abstinence in my petty fights. Though he was clueless about my nights of breakdown, I accept that I have to let go of the obsession to know everything, to get a clear and logical explanation of everything, and a comprehensive profile of everyone.

An old prophecy told me how I am likely not to get married; if ever I do, it would not be harmonious, unless my spouse would be so giving, patient and understanding of my personality. I think that’s Den. I hope that’s Den. Otherwise, I might be doomed to loneliness. Meanwhile, I feel like a retard.

We started off imperfect. He used to be perfect for me. But we still have a long way to go, let’s see.

Aby (the closest friend to my strong self) congratulated me for I am now human. Never did she think I would be one to check on my lover’s phone, to cry at nights, to go gaga. But here I am willing to change my ways, my language, my self-entitlement…

Happy 28^th!

Nature and renewal

Tags

cycle, nature, rebirth, renewal, seasons

Umbrella tree

Our tree has roughly 20 years of reminding about renewal

Beer or mcdo?

Tags

amansinaya, ambon-ambon falls, batangas, friendship, prinzel garcia, pugad lawin, travels

When I ask, “Beer or McDo?”

She would answer, “Depends on what you need: Beer or McDo?”

In Centrale, we get booze and entertainment. At Beer Belly, we take on brokenness.

Centrale

In McDo, we assemble for trips or get ice cream and fries.

The mountains and rivers and wilderness, we cross.

Trek to Ambon-Ambon Falls, Laurel, Batangas

To have someone to slide down the “mud” with, though it might not be all too conventional,

Mudslide, with no mud in it

To break some sweat with, in public, where embarrassments are thrown behind,

Quantum, Starmall

To discover and appreciate the unknown with…

Prinzel Garcia, playing along Taal Lake

Is a great gift. 

She’s not my bestfriend, there’s a lot of pressure in that.