I met my bestfriend from high school, Aby, when we were in elementary. But we didn’t become friends; she thought I was a bitch. Trech recounts that I first came up to her on the first day of college asking, “Is there someone you don’t like in the block?” I don’t know if that’s true or why I entrusted such spicy information to a stranger.
I’m talking about extreme impressions (that last until deliberately broken): bitch in elementary, mother Theresa in college, kim sam soon in high school, amazona (which means something like Xena) when I play basketball, Ms. social responsibility after college, shy and quiet (around people in general), wild party girl (in dark corners), the source of all green jokes (non-innocent from the beginning), unholy trash (just guessing my christian friends), obedient daughter, indifferent sister, typical nerd…
The Broken Windows theory states something like: Character is not as stable as we think. It’s not only our internal state that affects the environment, but the environment as well influences our internal state. So good news! First, we’re not stuck to our genes and family history; second, we can make little changes in the environment; and third, we can appreciate the multiplicity of our self.
We need not be perfect, polished. At times, I’d like to manufacture my comfortable cheerful self in awkward, boring and dominating situations. Yes, it can be done but it’s totally exhausting. How can we replicate the trust and comfort we find with our friends in situations that barely make sense to us? You don’t even have to adopt just one character (a role in this movie called life). You are way richer and more interesting than that 🙂
In the same way, let’s not try to box other people. Inconsistencies are all over our relationships. “Which is the true him? | You only know a person after 13 years of marriage | He’s just pretending | I’m sure he’s hiding some dirt.” Familiar?
The unfolding of life, of love entails patience. In going down that well, everything may be true and is not negated nor weakened by each other.
Who are your selves?