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As I go about daily life and feel a sudden bout of emptiness (or dryness), I can’t help but long for a love-life. I don’t know how this phrase functions in other contexts, but over here, it’s used like, “How’s your love-life?”

Love is unarguably the opposite of emptiness, barrenness, of lifelessness. So we try to manufacture the feelings of love as much as we can, basically to leave no space for lack thereof.

I wanna have a boyfriend. Better yet, “I wanna have a boy.” Poor boy, his sole existence would be to quench my thirst.

I want a boyfriend

I want a boy

Single Since Birth.

People (who don’t know me intimately) always ask me whether I have a boyfriend. The most convenient and all-time answer is no, of course. And the conversation would go along the lines, “I don’t believe you. Maybe you want a girl? Why, are your standards too high? Are you waiting for Mr. Right, he doesn’t exist. You’re too intimidating. Maybe you scare them off. Oh, you’re such a nice girl; your mom’s really lucky.”

Sounds like either I’m sick, or too sick to like anyone. This is really hard to explain, especially when caught in small talks.

How can I explain that this doesn’t make sense to me? How can I explain that I honestly don’t understand boyfriend-ship? How can I say that not finding a boyfriend is not necessarily the same as not finding love?

The quench is rather simple, I guess. Go to a bar, meet someone, date a few times. Make love. It doesn’t work out. Date again. Are you caught up in the same cycle?

I had found love; it’s just that I have never “signed” an I-love-you-forever contract. Do I make sense?