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I thought soul-searching was such a cool thing, like having midlife crisis at 20 (which a few people of my age claim). Until I realize that a lot of aspiring models and actresses are also corporate drop-outs. In short, we are all bums.

First off, not that I have anything against models. Of course, I’m guilty of bias, you know the stereotype that models are empty blondes. That’s just.. a bias.

After I had a realization that there is a path to self-hood and doing what you love (paid to exist, Illuminated Mind, Work is not a Job, and a whole lot of similar stuff), I kind of got paralyzed and scared to do what might end up wrong. Suddenly all jobs don’t make sense, misaligned, misfit… Even the most charitable institutions’ practices are not the most trustworthy.

Trech told me how she (mindlessly) goes back and forth to something she loves, and hates. In this process, she thinks that she is giving up her principles in fitting into their system.

And then I saw this article, where even the most mundane job makes sense. Does life-work integration come at a ripe time? Instead of being paralyzed, maybe I should get my ass moving, that whatever happens, there’s always something to learn.

The thing is, I kinda figured out what I wanna do. But marrying it with profits seems hard — technically and philosophically, in practice and in belief. I thought social entrepreneurship would have at least taught me to be comfortable about making money with doing good, but why is it damn hard? 

Whatever happens, I’ll walk the road.