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As we were waiting for a delayed flight, Abel asked me and Jade if we have games on our laptops. He also asked if he could take a photo of me using “my” camera.

photo by Abel

The previous night I was telling Helen that I particularly requested to be reassigned out of San Carlos (besides reasons of schedule conflict), where I had left quite good relationships. Part of me wants to go back; yet part of me wants to crystallize the perfectness of the whole experience. “You sound traumatized.” “From where?” “From relating to people, in general.”

Whenever I get emotionally invested (in anything), I get scarred. Is that why we ought to be detached so our desires won’t get in the way? If there was anything I found really challenging in Tao, it was

Know the personal, but keep to the impersonal.

I envy Abel and how he could make friends along the way without the fear of falling for or missing a stranger, or getting hurt by her. I envy that he didn’t fear being rejected, abducted, ignored, to be uncomfortable, or to be taken advantage of, or for people to think he’s weird, invasive, annoying, intimidating.

I envy the child, Abel.

kid Abel at the airport

kid makes friends with strangers

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