There was a boy who met a girl…
… so that’s how Den wanted me to start telling this story, if indeed this is already a story.
We met on the 16th of May after a peacebuilding mission on a mountain (to gloss things up a bit), while looking at this view, posted immediately on Facebook with the following caption:
A stranger… That stranger came to Manila 15 days after having dinner and 4 bottles of beer with me. A stranger who claimed to have fallen in love. Who in her right mind would buy that?
He had a plan, and a number of backup plans. He said he was sure, I believed despite my doubts, but my doubts were apparently right (men!).
Four bottles of beer and he wanted to marry me. We met again a few days later, him in his mask of certainty. At the back of his mind, “10 days might just be too much.”
Then 10 days stretched into what seemed like forever. Both anticipating the worst, the best was yet to come.
Yes we started off quite foolishly, but maybe gratitude brews foolishness into grace. Maybe he was sure after all. While I thank the mask of certainty.
When I ride the train, I wonder why and how everyone can feel alone amidst a sea of people. To my surprise, I am not spared from this feeling of disconnection and isolation. Despite the absence of raw emotion, I get depressed every other day (literally!). I feel worthless, useless…
I recently attended an acting workshop. When the director told us to get angry and hate someone, I can’t welcome the emotion into my system. I can’t separate myself from the practice of “not reacting to hatred and anger” (detaching from the detached haha) A huge part of me thinks that surrendering to emotion is weakness and immaturity. I know when I’m depressed and I feel it in my bones; but people don’t see it, without any attempt to conceal it.
I recently found out that my friend keeps secret blogs. Upon showing me one, it was so “not her.” It was her only channel of sadness (and everything on that side of the spectrum). I wonder why it has to be a secret. But I know that me and my friend are not among few.
How many of us feel alone, stay alone, in the middle of everyone?
Trech’s creativity mantra is “Follow the Rules. Then Break Them.” This is the only way you can get around laws and get away with your (mis)adventures. This is also mindful innovation – building on things that are already at hand. Creators who don’t look at what’s working well, fail. Look into the rules. Then break them.
To have order, humans created laws. Then created a profession called “lawyering” to swing around the loops. That’s how bored we are. We make things, to move around them.
In high school, when I was reprimanded for having 3 pairs of earrings, playing cards during break, and not following CAT rules, I simply asked for rule books and policies. I found confidence in being protected by the very laws that might have otherwise constrained me, simply by being smart and snob about it.
I know you, I’m superior to you. This can be a source of temporary peace.
A lot of people develop really good skills at lying ; others surround themselves with brands to appear intimidating (power clothes?); some get smart and strong friends to defend and cover for them; a few utilize family names and connections; a few more rely on good looks and sex appeal; some resort to bribery (from as obvious as money to as trivial as good grades); some master the art of manipulation; and some develop a lawyer mind.
Looking at a bigger picture, the structure we get around with is just one among many. Why would you even want to be in any of those?
No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that created it. – Einstein
If we’re really serious about our lives, happiness and world peace, perhaps there’s a more meaningful way to live. The people who inspire us about “changing the world” did not subtly consent to their status quo. Don’t worry, we won’t go into How to Change the World! lol
Intermediate freedom is getting around the structures that try to dominate and rule your life.
Check out How to be free, for beginners