My fear of insanity

Tags

facts, insanity, life, love, relationships, simple, truth, unfortunate events

I was smiling on my way home not because of joy, but because my series of unfortunate events have gone from depressing to comical.

I don’t know if I’m merely a victim of circumstances or something really wrong is going on inside my head. And I ought to know.

First, lose P22,000 and accept that people may think you stole it. Focus on getting things done, not knowing that relationships are compromised, and get talked behind your back. Get “bullied” and realize how unprofessional that is after 24 hours. Find out that you’re being investigated for mis-coordination for not knowing better ahead, without being asked of your side. Maybe it was a mis-communication. Story going around with 3 keywords: drunk, 1 am, conflict-affected area. Serve as bad example to your colleagues and be told “it doesn’t matter whether that’s true or not.” Be a pain in the ass for some simple logistical matter. All in 1 month. Good job, kara. 

There may be lapses in my memory, my ability to perceive reality, the root cause of my fear of insanity. We ought to find out the truth, don’t we? Simply ignoring injustice is in itself injustice.

If you don’t know truth, you don’t know love. Where’s the love y’all? 

________________

Note: Hope this doesn’t stem out to more, it may seem exaggerated, but please, i can only handle so much.

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Human Template

Tags

bias, consciousness, emotions, mnd, philosophy, prejudice, psychology, soul, truth, will

“I want to see you human, with emotions. Coz you’re always just ok.” The same thing that Trech calls unprocessed, raw, pure emotion. “I wish you’d find your match, someone to tell that you’re just this, you know, that you’re not higher than anyone.”

Aby doesn’t exactly believe that I’m suffering from some kind of superiority complex. I guess she was saying something deeply important.

We all have biases, prejudices and preconceptions. These are necessary for human survival (black man, jock, insurance agent, tattoos, salesmen, red high heels, dyed hair, thick glasses, cheerleader). This is my human templating. Profiling people and putting them in their rightful template. This reduces the element of surprise to the minimum and allows for smooth interaction (knowing what each wants to hear and how they react).

Not that I don’t believe in the good in every one. In fact, I do. I’m a believer of that precious moment when people step out of the template and become a true special person (read Jung: quick, complete). I love surprise.

Unstirred Emotions

I want unpredictable. Will is unpredictable. Consciousness is unpredictable. Truth is unpredictable. Soul is unpredictable. 

How to connect the dots

Tags

cheating, connect the dots, experience, intellect, knowledge, life, logic, relationship, truth, wisdom

Remember Steve? Life is about connecting the dots. But don’t forget that life is also lived forward. In order to connect dots, you must first have the dots.

What dots? Living life forward and understanding it backwards is such a horrible thing. No one knows what’s “absolutely right” until it has happened (nobody can save us!). But that’s also a blessing because no one really has the absolute authority in telling us what we must do.

I’ll just quote Goenka to make this argument more convincing. He said that there are 3 kinds of wisdom: 1) one that you’ve heard from others, 2) one that you have accepted intellectually, and 3) one that you have experienced yourself. Thus we understand why some people are wiser than those who have merely memorized the bible, the principles of governance, or the parts of a business plan.

Experience is a pre-requisite to Wisdom; Wisdom Creates Depth

It’s right when you’re thankful that it happened, it’s not when you regret it. But first, you must make it happen.

Escape if you must. Tell the truth if you must. Quit if you must. Serve if you must. Cheat if you must. Stop drinking if you must. Curse if you must. Love if you must. Stop smoking if you must. Steal if you must. Be thankful if you must. Vandalize if you must. Dance if you must. Watch porn if you must. Paint if you must. Masturbate if you must. Sing if you must. Take drugs if you must. Start your business if you must. Smoke if you must. Write if you must. Lie if you must. Run if you must. Kill if you must. If you honestly believe you must.

Ok something from me — I once couldn’t understand cheating. 1) First, if a guy cheats on me, he’s dead, not me. 2) Second, if a guy cheats with me, he doesn’t really love his girlfriends hence there’s no true relationship. Essentially, there’s nothing to destroy (moreover, those unreal things are sweet when broken). Pretty logical right? Tried it, ended up destroying myself. Nonetheless, I’m thankful I now understand (watch The Fierce Wife and see mindless seduction).

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney Harris

What have you experimented on?