This chickenshit lover

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balance, chickenshit, commitment, faith, fear, hope, love, lover, mistakes, wisdom

I’ve always been the great lover that I’ve known. I would love, no conditions, no returns needed. That I would love: the be all and end all of my existence. 

I never thought it would be scarier when someone actually asks you to love him. Never imagined I would chicken-shit.

Is this about aging and my now frail bones?
About wisdom and not making the same mistakes?
Must be fear of getting ripped, irreparable
Or trying to maintain balance?
Is this death of a tomorrow? 
Or is this faith and hope, that he would hold on?

Take away all my doubts, hang in there (together with my pineapple hair hehe)

Believing in past lives

Tags

buddhism, past life, past lives, reincarnation, religion, spirituality, wisdom

how many lives do you want to live?

8 Fold Fats, that’s what I remember about Buddhism in high school. I just realized how we are never trained to regard other beliefs. Back then, it was but hilarious.

I am not really a Buddhist yet my being into this world-connection thing has lead me to people who are into the depths of religiosity. They tell me that I am such an old soul, seeking liberation at an early age. Something I love to believe.

Exuding wisdom (or appearing to be) boosts my ego – ironic! It’s like, “credit that to my great mind and observance, dude!” But this reincarnation idea, it generates humility and protects from vanity.

What if, the things I know and even the capacity to this knowing, is not merely a result of my reading? What if the good fortunes are a result of my previous self, whoever that “self” is? What if I just happened to be old, while others are young despite their number of years?

I have but none. I surrender to the laws of nature.

How to connect the dots

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cheating, connect the dots, experience, intellect, knowledge, life, logic, relationship, truth, wisdom

Remember Steve? Life is about connecting the dots. But don’t forget that life is also lived forward. In order to connect dots, you must first have the dots.

What dots? Living life forward and understanding it backwards is such a horrible thing. No one knows what’s “absolutely right” until it has happened (nobody can save us!). But that’s also a blessing because no one really has the absolute authority in telling us what we must do.

I’ll just quote Goenka to make this argument more convincing. He said that there are 3 kinds of wisdom: 1) one that you’ve heard from others, 2) one that you have accepted intellectually, and 3) one that you have experienced yourself. Thus we understand why some people are wiser than those who have merely memorized the bible, the principles of governance, or the parts of a business plan.

Experience is a pre-requisite to Wisdom; Wisdom Creates Depth

It’s right when you’re thankful that it happened, it’s not when you regret it. But first, you must make it happen.

Escape if you must. Tell the truth if you must. Quit if you must. Serve if you must. Cheat if you must. Stop drinking if you must. Curse if you must. Love if you must. Stop smoking if you must. Steal if you must. Be thankful if you must. Vandalize if you must. Dance if you must. Watch porn if you must. Paint if you must. Masturbate if you must. Sing if you must. Take drugs if you must. Start your business if you must. Smoke if you must. Write if you must. Lie if you must. Run if you must. Kill if you must. If you honestly believe you must.

Ok something from me — I once couldn’t understand cheating. 1) First, if a guy cheats on me, he’s dead, not me. 2) Second, if a guy cheats with me, he doesn’t really love his girlfriends hence there’s no true relationship. Essentially, there’s nothing to destroy (moreover, those unreal things are sweet when broken). Pretty logical right? Tried it, ended up destroying myself. Nonetheless, I’m thankful I now understand (watch The Fierce Wife and see mindless seduction).

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney Harris

What have you experimented on?